Dharma & Greg Season 1, Episode 5: The Ex-Files

1

Pilot

Free-spirited Dharma and straitlaced Greg break the news to their respective parents, none of whom are especially thrilled with the match.

30 min

2

And the In-Laws Meet . . .

When Dharma and Greg throw a party to celebrate their union, a disapproving Kitty boycotts the event, and Dharma sets out to befriend her mother-in-law. But when the Montgomerys and the Finkelsteins finally get together to plan the details, the hostilities really begin.

30 min

3

Shower the People You Love With Love

Dharma tries to sprinkle a little TLC in Greg's life by installing a new, deluxe ""Spring Mist 3000"" shower, while Greg finds himself on a testosterone-ridden golfing afternoon with Edward and Larry. Meanwhile, Kitty, misunderstanding the word ""shower,"" readies for a social event with hors d'oeuvres and formal invitations.

30 min

4

And Then There's the Wedding

There's love amid the ruins when Dharma and Greg hold a ""do-over"" wedding to appease their families, particularly the hostile Kitty, who turns the young couple's plans for a simple party into a big country-club affair, including a formal renewal of the wedding vows. (Says Greg to Dharma: ""You know, some day our parents will be gone and we'll look back on this day and not miss them so much."") Meanwhile, Pete and Jane have a surprising encounter of their own in the cloakroom.

30 min

5

The Ex-Files

When Greg's former co-worker and ex-girlfriend Barbara is transferred back to his firm from Washington, Dharma seeks to assuage her own natural jealousy by finding a new Mr. Right for Barbara—a quest which takes on a desperate edge when Barbara confesses she is still in love with Greg.

30 min

6

Yoga and Boo, Boo

When Greg's competitive nature becomes destructive, Dharma exposes him to yoga, hoping to lower his stress level. After two classes, however, they both realize Greg's life is out of control when he gets into a macho ""I can do this"" contest with Pete and pulls a groin muscle. Meanwhile, Larry goes to Edward with a scheme to mass-market videos of Dharma's yoga instruction.

30 min

7

Indian Summer

While sunning on the roof, Dharma & Jane meet an elderly Native American who wants to die on the premises, claiming that it was his ancestors' sacred burial ground. Naturally Dharma invites him to stay with her, and naturally Greg is deeply suspicious of his motives and tails them—even to the extent of getting Pete to impersonate him at a dinner with Attorney General Janet Reno.

30 min

8

Mr. Montgomery Goes to Washington

After Greg wins a major court case, he is urged to run for Congress. It's an idea that moves Dharma to consult Greg's mother for grooming advice, as a potential political wife. After worrying about Dharma fitting in with the political crowd, Greg embarrasses himself during his first public appearance by emerging from the washroom with his fly undone. But when Dharma tries to boost his confidence with a little back-seat lovin', it becomes front-page news. (""We know he's not a Democrat because he's having sex with his wife, and we know he's not a Republican because he's having sex."") Greg is thrown into a black depression until he realizes that his popularity has soared; then his opponent makes a decisive sexual confession of his own.

30 min

9

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Father

When Greg needs an upgraded security clearance to work on a top-secret case, Dharma and the families are subjected to a background check, which reveals some very interesting information about Larry and Edward. Dharma discovers to her horror that her proud anti-establishment rebel father in not in fact wanted by the FBI as he's always bragged, and embroils Greg and Pete in a scheme to plant a phony file for Larry to steal. Meanwhile, Greg is shaken to discover that Edward never in fact divorced his first wife; and Kitty's reaction to the news is not what anyone would expect.

30 min

10

The First Thanksgiving

After Dharma, Larry and Abby give a farm-full of turkeys their freedom, Dharma volunteers to make Thanksgiving dinner for the whole family in Kitty's spacious kitchen, with Jane's help (while Kitty plays it safe with a restaurant reservation). But Greg is not offering up thanks when he's the last to know that Dharma might have more than just a bird in the oven.

30 min

11

Instant Dharma

Dharma's parents arrive for their weekly yoga class only to find Dharma in tears because all her other students have deserted her for the popular self-defense class across the hall. Greg's efforts to cheer her up only get them evicted from Kitty's operatic fund raising evening. Clearing out her locker, Dharma curiously wanders into the self-defense class that turns out to be run by a wacky woman named Spyder, who is promoting herself with alarmist flyers about a massive increase in crime in the neighborhood. When Dharma protests that this is a lie, Spyder intimidates her physically, then invades a depressed Dharma's nightmare about breaking her non-violent principles and retaliating. When Dharma does attempt to remonstrate with Spyder, both she and Greg get their butts kicked.

30 min

12

Haus Arrest

Dharma's free spirit and maternal instincts are challenged when Greg's rebellious teenage niece Jennifer visits for the holidays and soon abuses her newfound friendship with her aunt. When Dharma and Jane take her along on a wacky shopping trip pretending to be monolingual German tourists, they are upset to discover that she has used them as a cover for actual shoplifting. Later when Dharma discovers that Jennifer has invited a boyfriend over unannounced, she lowers the disciplinary boom—and Jennifer runs away.

30 min

13

Do You Want Fries With That?

Greg's latest legal victory leaves him depressed in the middle of the office celebration, so Dharma suggests that maybe Greg should quit and ""follow his bliss."" It turns out that Greg's suppressed passion is for cooking, so he informs his disturbed parents that he is starting a new career as a short-order cook in a hamburger joint. This prompts Edward to confession his own secret talent: hairdressing.

30 min

14

Old Yeller

Transportation becomes an issue for the young couple when Greg insists Dharma can use his car any time she wants but makes compulsive demands on her treatment of the vehicle. (Dharma: ""Honey, I love you, but bite me!"") So Dharma goes to a city auction with Jane and Pete and becomes the proud owner of a 1968 yellow schoolbus. Meanwhile, Abby invites the Montgomerys over for a meat dinner, and reveals that she was once romantically involved with Salazar, the featured artist at Kitty's charity exhibition. An amused Edward challenges the Finkelsteins to attend the function, which is threatened by a freak rainstorm and flood—it's 'Old Yeller' to the rescue!

30 min

15

The Second Coming of Leonard

When Dharma's charismatic old boyfriend, Leonard, suddenly re-enters her life after a year in India, Greg finds himself extremely uncomfortable around him—especially when it becomes clear that absolutely everyone else, from Greg's parents to even Marlene, absolutely adores Leonard. Weakened by battling a bad cold, Greg is thrown for a loop when Leonard reveals that he has been celibate since he left Dharma and Dharma decides that she and Greg should give abstinence a try as well. Finally, Dharma informs everyone that they should respect Greg's wishes and not see Leonard any more—then everyone simultaneously spots Greg on television enjoying Leonard's company and his benchside basketball tickets.

30 min

16

Dharma and Greg's First Romantic Valentine's Day Weekend

A romantic Valentine's Day weekend turns out to be anything but for Dharma and Greg. It all begins when Greg downloads a travel brochure promising a cozy getaway at the Red Rose Inn in upstate snow country. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned. En route, they get ticketed for speeding when Greg tries to make up time lost burying a dead animal that Dharma spotted by the roadside. Worse still, when they arrive at the inn they discover it's just an ordinary little house with no snow and only a backyard trailer to accommodate guests. Meanwhile, Kitty misinterprets Larry's talk about an animal-shelter swap meet to mean wife swapping, and she and Edward find themselves strangely disturbed by the idea.

30 min

17

The Official Dharma & Greg Episode of the 1998 Winter Olympics

While Dharma, Abby and Jane try to help a depressed Kitty struggle through her 50th birthday, Greg, Larry and Edward head off to the slopes to stage their own Winter Olympics. To head off Kitty's stated intention of immediate plastic surgery, the daffy trio persuades her to join them, big wigs and scanty dresses donned, on a mission to flirt at a navy bar. Kitty is an immediate hit - until one of the young men tells her she reminds him of his mother! Meanwhile, tobogganing down a mountainside in a canoe, at night, backwards, turns out to be the father and son bonding experience Greg and Edward never found time for.

30 min

18

Daughter of the Bride of Finkelstein

A plumbing emergency in their apartment forces Dharma and Greg to move in temporarily with his parents, and a situation fraught with tension is made worse when the Finkelsteins decide to contemplate marriage after twenty years of unwed bliss—and Larry moves in with the Montgomerys as well.

30 min

19

Dharma's Tangled Web

Dropping in on Kitty, Dharma instantly senses what has happened: Kitty and Edward are separating. An appalled Kitty makes Dharma promise not to tell Greg, but this well-meaning deception snowballs as Dharma's sense of guilt develops into a series of escalating fibs that draws in an uncomprehending (and protesting) Jane Seymour. We also learn something important about Dharma's macrobiotic childhood: she's a recovering secret sugar junkie!

30 min

20

The Cat's Out of the Bag

The pretense that everything is fine with Greg's parents finally proves too much for Dharma, who snaps during dinner at a Chinese restaurant and has the bad news served to Greg in a fortune cookie (to the absorbed interest of the Chinese family sharing their table). Trying to help the Montgomery's non-existent sex life, Dharma takes Kitty to her local neighborhood erotica store, where they naturally run into Abby and Larry. Greg and Pete take Edward for a drink to commiserate, and Edward demonstrates his ace in pick-up lines: ""Excuse me, young lady, do you have change for a million?"" Meanwhile, Jane has gone off to a Star Trek convention (""I like middle-aged men who are virgins""), leaving her pet Mr. Boots with Dharma and Greg; but Greg freaks out when he discovers that Mr. Boots is not exactly a cat.

30 min

21

Spring Forward, Fall Down

Spring fever hits klutzy Dharma, moving her to dance naked on the roof (in full view of a newscast helicopter and, hence, an appalled Kitty), carpet the apartment with live grass and enter a ballroom dancing contest at the Montgomerys' posh country club. Reluctant Greg insists they should accept that they have no chance of winning and merely enjoy themselves, but Dharma confesses to her parents that for once in her life, she's like to be competitive at all costs. Trouble is, the brunt of her aspirations is borne not by her competition but by Greg.

30 min

22

Much Ado During Nothing

A rather daring episode by contemporary network standards: When Jane breezes in to claim custody of Dharma's stuffed duck, Dharma explains to Greg that it's a trophy held by whoever has had sex in the unlikeliest place. Having actually fallen asleep during sex the night before, the couple decide to spice up their love life and search the city for a public place to have sex, since the rest of San Francisco will be too busy watching the finale of Seinfeld to notice. But Jane 'seduces' Pete (by painting his toenails and shaving his legs) into blabbing about their plans and sets out to sabotage their trophy win, and, after a few ironic twists, it is not Dharma and Greg who get arrested for having sex on the steps of City Hall, but Kitty and Edward! (Edward points out that the trophy is actually a goose, and Dharma calmly explains that goose wouldn't rhyme.)

30 min

23

Invasion of the Buddy Snatcher

When Greg hosts a poker game, Dharma takes advantage of the occasion to meet his buddies. Petty jealousies surface as she begins befriending the men and privately advising them on personal matters - including bankruptcy, impotence, and a serious crush one of the men has on Greg - and they in turn begin to full uncomfortable around Greg because he won't share his feelings with them. Upset that Dharma has taken over his friends, Greg tries to bluff her by maintaining that he has plans of his own to hang out with Jane; and when Dharma thinks this an ""awesome"" idea, he finds himself involved in a bizarre role-playing game with Jane's very bizarre friends (including the Vulcan-eared Trekkie seen at the end of episode 20). Meanwhile, Kitty and Edward are unhappily afloat in ""duck soup,"" as their swimming pool is invaded by waterfowl. Enter Abby, who is getting a Berkeley degree in ornithological intelligence. (Larry: ""It's the study of bird brains."" Kitty: ""Oh, that must be useful."")

30 min